Apology not accepted

I read with amusement Maureen Dowd's "Rules of the Wronged". After the recent Sanford/Madoff mea culpas, I had considered devising a "primer for apologies". I don't believe we should be compelled to listen to even one more of the endless, mind-numbing confessions of yet another wrongdoer.

There have been hundreds of public apologies before, from politicians to bankers, to celebrities, to talking heads and religious leaders all who have fallen from grace, and there will be hundreds hereafter. I thought it only appropriate that we create a standard form of confession for those caught with their pants down, their feet in their mouth or their hands in the cookie jar.

The next time we learn of our public trust, or our private faith, being abused, I hope we mandate that the script is pulled out and read. It will save us all the necessity of listening to pure nonsense and rambling monologues. When the words fade away and the stage is empty, we understand that the only real sorrow of the transgressor is in being caught.

These public statements of regret are no different from any other play we watch. It is just the venue that is different. So, like a road show of a Shakespearean tragedy, let the actors learn the lines and recite them. Maybe there is an Oscar or a Tony award for best performance by an actor or actress in an apology.