So it's 4 AM and I just shaved off my beard. There is actually more to this story.
As you may recall, shortly before Christmas I began the great facial experiment. The beard grew for several weeks. I got a few compliments, Joanne liked it, and I felt I was looking very professorial. Given my new internal fame as a writer, the look seemed to fit me well.
At that point I went to the barber for a trim of my hair and beard. I came out of the shop dissatisfied with the results. The beard remained too long. I was told that today's appearance was to always look like you were growing a beard, never like you really had one. I decided to take matters into my own hands.
Joanne and I shopped and found a simple working beard trimmer. I got it home and couldn't wait to use it. I actually found the results of my first experiment with it to be excellent. With the beard trimmer set at 2, I looked as if I hadn't shaved in about 10 days.
Over the succeeding few weeks, I would shave my beard back every 6 or 7 days. This was going well.
In fact, it was going so well that yesterday I decided the wonder trimmer would work equally well for haircuts. Without the benefit of reading whether or not this product was actually intended to be applied to the top of one's head, I was going to apply tonsorial tenderness to my pate. My mistake.
The setting was put at 6. This should be a minor trim. Nothing happened with applied pressure downward of the blade. The next logical assumption was to try it going up the scalp. Scalp turned out to be the critical term. With one upward motion, virtually whatever hair had been on that part of my head was no longer. The job now underway, there was no turning back. Within minutes I had an almost shaved head.
Suddenly the beard and haircut gave me a very different appearance. Jo and I went out to dinner with some friends last night. The reactions were consistent and often brutal. The most benign remark was that I looked like I had my head on upside down. The rest of the comments were not as complimentary.
As I lay awake at 3:30 AM (my attempt to cure my insomnia with Valerian root not yet proving wholly successful) I decided bold steps were needed. I hopped out of bed, into the bathroom and the results, several minutes later, was much hair in the sink, and a new virtually Mr. Clean staring back at me in the mirror.
Joanne is, like any normal human being, still asleep. She should be waking in a few hours. If she has any compassion ( and she does) she will say little. There is not much she can do about living with someone clearly going through some sort of mid-life crisis except try to ride out the storm. Sometimes I feel sorry for her.
11 comments:
Robert, Please post a picture. Ted
Maybe this will help your hairless spirits and insomnia. So what if the article is from 1975, it's time for you to start a resurgence of bald is beautiful:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,917075,00.html
THE ABOVE COMMENT CAME TO ME FROM ONE OF MY GOOD FRIENDS WHO READ ON THE POST OF MY "PLIGHT". HE TOO HAS APPARENTLY SUFFERED FROM RAZOR REGRET IN THE PAST.
THANKS FOR TRYING TO CHEER ME UP
RSN
wow, dad. just when i think you cannot get any more special, you prove me wrong. i am sure you look wonderful though. generally speaking, shaved heads are a great look for short, jewish men in their 50s. and just for the record, i liked the beard. and i would advocate growing it back.
Thank you Alex for your giving me positive input whether my head is virtually shaved, or whether my beard is here or gone.
You are a good kid.
RSN
yes - please post (or email) a photo, especially for those of us far away (and whose imaginations can surely not approach the reality of it)
Am I curious to see what you look like now - actually I'm not sure that I am, but certain that I will.
Whatever, we will love you anyway.
7F
I may have SLIGHTLY exaggerated the effect of the misapplication of the blade. It is more like a VERY short buzz cut than a Yul Brunner. You can definitely see the outline of hair on my head.
I am told by my editorial board that images of my face on the site would diminish the integrity of what I am doing (and probably scare off many from returning). I am in continuing discussions with the editors and will advise if I am successful in convincing them of the error of their thinking.
RSN
To those who have requested a photo of Robert sans hair, let me tell you, from my perspective, trust me, you might not want to see such photo.
My friend David has flowing white hair (at least where the hair is still growing). He is soon going to Paris for a month and I have offered my services as his barber before he leaves. For some reason, he has declined my invitation to duplicate my look.
I guess my writing may be catching on a little, but it may take a while longer before my appearance gathers any praise.
RSN
picture, picture,picture!
what a clamor to see a photo of an old bald guy looking a little bit like a bowling ball.
as many of you may know, my eyebrows seemed to have vanished over the years, my upper lip has receded somewhere into my mouth and I am generally pretty pasty white by this time of the winter.
trust me, this is not a pretty picture (and, as I let you know yesterday, there is still the outline of hair on my head- it is more like a very short crew cut than anything else).
while my writing garners limited attention, my head seems to bring out mass appeal. I will again discuss with my editorial board and see if they relent in their position.
RSN
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