Get Smart

A third arm would have proved very useful for me yesterday. It would have permitted me to pat myself on the back, as my other 2 arms were deeply engaged in feats of majesty. I was learning how to use my hand me down Smart phone. Emphasis on the word Smart.

The hours flew by as I used the touch screen to pull up this, or get me that. I began to compile my contact list and responded to the notification that a new G-mail had arrived. I typed, ever so slowly, and with an enormous amount of errors, in furtherance of some assigned task. If you didn't know better, from the outside I could have passed for a person with at least a semblance of comprehension of the complexities of the object I lovingly held.

In my fervor, by the middle of the afternoon, I had drained my battery, or more precisely the battery on my phone. However, before having to revitalize my companion, I performed one last great feat of prestidigitation. I sat in the back seat of the car, as Jo drove to the gas station. Clearly, the task I was performing would not permit me to be the automobile's driver. I needed to reach someone by phone, but could not locate the phone number by reviewing my list of contacts. Joanne then directed me to my emails to see if the name, and some correspondence, appeared there, with a possible footer giving the needed information. As Richie got out of the front seat of the car to perform some chore next door to the gas station, and as Jo trudged out in the pouring rain to pump the gas, I stared at the screen and pushed here and pulled from there until I found the nugget for which I had been searching.

As the rest of the universe disappeared from view, I highlighted the phone number that was imbedded in the email, and soon was speaking with the person for whom this massive search had been undertaken.

Moments later, Jo got back in the car. I asked her where Richie was as I had not heard, or listened, to anything once I had begun my great exploration. I had no idea that it was raining, that Jo, not Richie was pumping the gas, and that we were still awaiting his return. All my brain cells had been utilized for the task at hand, or more precisely, in hand. There was no room left for mundane matters like gasoline, food or weather.

I have spent what seems like a lifetime criticizing those whose most important attachment at dinner is not to others in their company, but to the companion waiting to feed them the most important, or most useless, material. I have felt like a stranger in a strange world, a horse and buggy man watching the universe speed by. Yesterday, I took one small step for man. I await my next assignment with eager anticipation. If it should happen to come at the dinner table, you will have to excuse me, for I now understand that there are much more important issues than listening to or interacting with you. My Smart phone calls and I must answer.