Donald Lays An Egg (This is the entire tale)

 CHAPTER ONE

Cried Donald, a strange bird of orange plume:

"I've gathered many eggs

In my gold encrusted room

But I've bored of this game day after day.

I have no new horizons

No tricks to play

I don't want a vacation, I want a new test

If I could fool many that would be best!

If I could find plenty, to con and cheat...."

Then GOP, the Elephant, he chanced to meet.

"Hello!" shouted Donald, with joker's smile,

"You've no candidate, try me for a while.

You have nothing to lose, he said using guile."

The elephant laughed.

"Why, that makes no sense.

You haven't the knowledge, I'm not that dense.

You the head man? Why, you'd have no chance,

Your brain is too small, sir, and our problem immense!"

"Not so" shouted Donald."Your worries are few.

I can undo them. My words will ring true.

Just listen, just listen. They want someone new.

They want some plain speaking. And I've nothing to do."

"I can't," said the elephant.

"Oh, please" said the bird.

"You' ll see the results, sir, just mark my word.

So hurry up now. Or you will be sad..."

"OK", said the elephant, "just don't drive me mad....."

"You want the nomination. We can arrange it.

Just don't lay an egg, and try not to fake it.

Please try to be faithful, and do as you say."
"That's great!" shouted Donald and sauntered away.

"I'll rebuild a wall.

Make the Mexicans pay.
Yes, they'll take the fall.
I'll get started this way"

Then shouting,

He cried

"They're rapists and worse

Get them out of our country, they're all but a curse."

Donald was not done,

He kept up his rants,

While day turned to night

We heard ominous chants

He was thunder and lightning.

He harrumphed and harangued.

"This is much fun",

Many heads he just banged.

"I'll never go back.

'Cause I'm having such fun."

While the elephant cried, "I picked the wrong one."


CHAPTER TWO

And Donald kept preening for many seasons
Through summer and fall he spoke without reason
Came winter and spring and summer once more
But Donald kept chirping for he had the floor

This strange bird kept talking and said with a sneer
"Friends, Romans, elephants lend me your ear
I mean what I say, and allow no dissent
So elephant be faithful
One hundred per cent."

This was the elephant's winter of discontent
And in the spring Donald kept up his rant
"I hate women, POWs and foreigners too,
The media and the pope, to just name a few

Love my guns, and Putin and Saddam Hussein
And I know my opponents think I'm insane
But I am one bird who won't fly away
No this is one bird who's here to stay."

GOP the elephant just sat there and sighed
"No taunting, no teasing", it whimpered and cried
"Donald's not leaving, even if we  beg
And I am afraid we just laid an egg."

Some laughed at the thought of an elephant egg.
"You cannot be serious, you're pulling my leg".
But serious it was, like a bad heart attack,
He would not go away, he just kept coming back

"I mean what I say, and allow no dissent
So elephant be faithful,
One hundred per cent."

The poor elephant's woes were far from done
For Donald the strange bird was having much fun
He stoked all our fears, he preened and he danced
This orange headed beast had them all in a trance

He lied and bent truths as if in a pretzel
He had no eraser, but only a pencil
And when shots rang out and some pierced the heart
This did not stop Donald, only gave him a start

"Do not run. Do not hide.
Do not run or stay inside."
Donald held his head high and threw out his chest
"Do not give the foreigners a place to rest.
Get out your weapons, and take deadly aim."
For  Donald knew this was but part of his game.

"Shoot if they must, but we don't run away
And we will grow stronger, day after day."

Donald turned to the elephant, looked him straight in the eye
And repeatedly said "I can not tell a lie.
I mean what I say, and allow no dissent
So elephant be faithful,
One hundred per cent."


CHAPTER THREE

Along came a donkey who laughed at the bird.
And found him so stupid, and called him absurd.
"I'll keep him alive. Why he's horribly funny.
He belongs in the circus. He'll just make me money."

And the donkey dragged Donald's name through the mud.
Called him ridiculous, call him a dud.
While GOP sulked and practically cried
Donkey said that Donald was living a lie:

"His orange plume is not what it seems.
He's speaking in horrors and nightmarish dreams
He tells untruth, honesty's not for rent
Do not trust him, not even one per cent."

From sea to shining sea the donkey spread the word
Donald was merely a fraud, he was clearly absurd
But Donald was resolute, he could parry every thrust
This was one tough bird, he would do what he must

"The donkey is crooked, it's really an ass
And if it has a problem with me being crass,
Well there's a solution I can surely detect
Just grow up and don't be politically correct.

Just stop all your whining and all your dissent.
For I am but truthful one hundred per cent."

After bobbing and weaving like fighters in a ring.
Not floating like butterflies, but trying to sting.
Not landing big blows, merely talking the talk.
They landed one day in the town of New York.

The Big Apple was home to the donkey and bird.
They sold tickets to hear them at prices absurd.
The donkey insisting Donald was playing us for snooks.
Donald retorting the Donkey was clearly a crook.

Donald crying "I am truthful one hundred per cent."
The Donkey responding, "The truth's not for rent."

From New York, to Boston to LA they preached.
From Chicago, to Orlando their voices reached.
Day after day and month after month.
From breakfast, to dinner and even through lunch.

Through hailstorms, tornadoes and occasionally sun.
And Donald kept saying, "I'm having such fun."
Through ups and downs and sideways too.
Donald and the donkey speaking old like its new.

And through it all the elephant sat on its egg
No deterring Donald, not even if it should beg
Hoping by November merely to hatch a plot
Or at least have a somewhat reasonable shot
At making the donkey seem but an ass
And it mattered not if it showed no class

And then on that early November day
The Donald, the donkey, the elephant did say,
"It's hatching. Our plan is hatching. And victory's mine."
"It's mine" screamed the Donald.  I've put in the time."

"No mine" yelled the donkey, "don't steal it from me.
Get off of your high horse, and just let us be."

Poor elephant just looked on with a wondrous stare.
Then closed it eyes, for it would not dare,
To see what had happened when, at once with a start.
The egg cracked wide open and fell apart.

And out of the pieces of that red, white and blue shell
From the talk of disaster, of heaven and hell
From the bluster and bad words, from forth and then back
From sorrow to madness, from every sliver and crack
From all that we are, from much that we're not
From pillar to post, from freezing to hot,
From where we are to where we'll be, from being blind to all we see,
From every city and each town, from laughing to crying from smile to frown
For every donkey and elephant too, for Donald and me and especially you
For this country to heal and stop all the hate, for this country to heal and to remain great
For everything and nothing and all in between, for kindness and caring and not being mean
For all that and everything that is more, for all that when we finally got the score

We learned that there's no such thing as one hundred per cent
And fifty-fifty was where our allegiances went
Half a bird, half a donkey was where it all ended
And somehow these broken fences would have to be mended

Donald had no victory but he had not lost
But the question was truly what was the cost
Of his hatred, his half truths and all of his lies
No one was happy, and most of us cried

So while Donald had simply hatched a plot
He made this, our country, what it was not
And the elephant wondered what it had done
While Donald merely chirped,
"Wasn't this fun?"