Round Two With the Boys

The fault was all mine.

When last we left the two young boys, I was extolling their virtues and discussing their vices. They were, after all, but my niece's two young sons exploring the universe, all energy and entertainment, exhausting and exhilarating.

This was a different setting, for their great grandmother had just passed and we were at their grandparent's house, their grandma sitting Shiva. And though it was not a moment of overwhelming grief, it was certainly not to be confused with a two year old's birthday party. A hint of decorum was required.

I have few special talents, few things at which I truly excel. Parallel parking immediately comes to mind, but apart from that I am really drawing a blank. Oh, there is one more thing after all. I am an expert at getting little children riled up.

So we were in my sister in law and brother in law's living room, crowded with friends and relatives expressing sympathy and offering their condolences and a shoulder to lean on. The boys were milling about, as quiet and reserved as is possible at that age. And then I intervened.

I started off slowly, maybe with just a smile that suggested I was ready to play, or maybe even a slightly raised voice that hinted at more to come. The older one, just four, took the bait and we were soon off and running. He hung on to my foot as I began to drag him around the room, screaming my mock cries that he cease and desist at once. And then his younger sibling joined the fray, latched on to my other leg. And, in but an instant, we were full out inappropriate.

We seemed to take over the whole room, like a bad improv act. Everything else seemed to slow down or halt completely. I was informed by the older child that I was "going to jail forever" for some grievous wrong I must surely have committed. I was half bitten, semi spat at, crawled upon, disparaged and generally involved in exactly the type of activity anyone with even a semblance of a brain could have avoided. But not me.

I have a granddaughter scheduled to arrive on this planet in less than 3 months. I know that my daughter is hoping that by some miracle I grow up in that time and somehow emerge as a respectable human being. But I advise her not to hold her breath.

After what seemed an eternity, the boys finally ran out of steam. My clothes were now dishelved, my lack of capacity on naked display. 

I announced, to the great relief of all I am sure, that I was taking my leave. And as I made my exit I thought about my shortcomings and what my future held. And waited anxiously for the day I could perform my magic on my granddaughter.