"You're NOT Fired. You're Exonerated"

("McConnell, Coordinating With White House, Lays Plan For Impeachment Trial")

Mr. McConnell has a statement to make:

Mitch McConnell: "Good morning ladies and gentlemen. After consultation with the White House it has been determined that the trial of President Trump will be aired in three broadcasts, each of one hour duration. Mark Burnett will be executive producer of this mini-series, the working title being "An Apprentice No More", a/k/a "You're NOT Fired, You're Exonerated."

"Donald Trump will play himself, for which he will be awarded an Emmy for best actor in a wholly fictional drama about a President who does not commit any act which is less than perfect but nevertheless faces totally unfounded charges of wrongdoing."

"The finale will air on every channel and will be playing simultaneously in Russia over state owned airwaves. It will have the largest audience ever known to man and, yes, Mr. Trump did win the 2016 election by unanimous vote."

"I will take no questions, for there can be no questions."

"God Bless America and God Bless Donald Trump. Or is Donald Trump now God so is he merely blessing himself?"