The Stupidity Test

Every morning, after watching several hours of Fox and Friends to set his agenda for the day, Donald Trump takes a test he must pass before he can begin his maskless day in the Oval Office: the stupidity test.

A large Q-tip is inserted into the nose of Mr.Trump and through an opening into an enormous void area where his brain should otherwise be housed. As long as there is no evidence of active functioning cells in this location, the President can move forward with the non-performance of his duties.

Mr. Trump has been tested on a daily basis since the middle of January and has passed each and every time with flying colors. There was one brief scare on his admission that this was indeed a pandemic but that was quickly erased when he gave his two hour stand up comedy routine before the gathered media that same afternoon.

The President's doctor emphatically stated that Mr. Trump is the stupidest person in the nation. "Do not worry about the health of this President or the country. There is no chance that this man will ever fail his test. For not only is Donald Trump the stupidest President we have ever had, he is the stupidest person who ever lived. He is the absolute picture of stupidity."

A grateful nation rested easier.