Here Is A Sneak Preview of The New Yorker "CONTRIBUTORS" Page Featuring ME

Winston Brown ("My Life Behind Bars," p.29) was wrongly imprisoned for 32 years, during which he authored 14 best selling books including "Time Is A Social Construct", "The Myth of Winston Churchill" and "Cooking for Dummies."

Jennifer Sanborn ("Born Yesterday," p. 21) has been the New York Times managing editor for International for 16 years and a four star general in her spare time.

Thomas Highsmith  (Poem, p. 44) was home schooled and produced his first of more than 30 books of poetry ("Thomas and the Runaway Prostitute") at age 9, the year he became the youngest U.S. Poet Laureate.

Zephyr (Fiction, p. 51) graduated from Harvard with seven majors in 2020. His third novel ("The Sound of Your Heart in My Chest") is due out later this year.

Tennison Harvey (Books, p.71) has been a staff writer since 2004. His most recent book is "Why Oprah Is Rich and You Are Not."

Cassidy Jones (Puzzles and Games Dept.) founded the University of Crossword in 2019, which now has sixteen million subscribers.

Caroline Kennedy ("Room at the Top", p. 33) is a former ambassador to Japan, a lawyer, an author of two books on civil liberties, the soul surviving child of John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis and an extremely good dancer.

Nathaniel Woodside (Cover) is in the middle of his most ambitious undertaking, spray painting every building ever associated with Donald Trump.

The Artist Never Known As (Music, p.69) won a record 19 Grammys in 2019 before quitting the business to start his own education company, "What's it to you!?."

Robert S. Nussbaum (Shouts and Murmurs, p.25) has lived a pretty long time without accomplishing anything of note.

PS THIS WAS INTENDED TO BE A SPOOF ON THE PRETENTIOUSNESS OF THE NEW YORKER, WHO "QUALIFIES" FOR CONSIDERATION OF PUBLICATION BY THEM, AND THE SELF DEPRECATING ABSURDITY OF A "REGULAR" PERSON TRYING TO GAIN ADMISSION INTO THIS CLUB

I AM NOT CERTAIN, FROM THE PRIVATE COMMENTS I RECEIVED, THAT THE ATTEMPTED HINTS IN THE FICTIONAL BIOGRAPHIES (APART FROM MOST OF CAROLINE KENNEDY'S) WERE SUFFICIENTLY LUDICROUS

TOO CLEVER BY HALF ON THIS ONE 

PPS - EVEN MY PS IS APPARENTLY UNCLEAR- I AM NOT SCHEDULED TO BE PUBLISHED IN THE NEW YORKER - PLEASE, NO MORE CONGRATULATORY WISHES - 

PPPS- MY EXPLANATION IS ALMOST LONGER THAN MY ORIGINAL POST