My Competition

 So, at least in my own mind, my inadequacies are beyond comparison. What I can't do could fill a book the length of War and Peace. Each day an opportunity to present another, more radical head shakingly dismal performance.

But, it now appears, I may have to share the podium with an interloper who seems destined for greatness in the land of the absolutely not so great.

My niece married a wonderful young man several years ago. He shared much of my resume: same high school, same college, same profession. On paper, much like me, he appeared as if he had the makings of a competent human being.

Over time I have heard rumor of his lack of attention to details of the universe. But really, nothing that would make me fear I had competition.

This week, their family rented  a house near us for the holiday week. Given the realities of having two young children in tow, it was not surprising to learn one of them had left significant evidence of a spit up on one of their sheets. The problem was that after my niece washed the damaged item in the sink, she was informed by her husband that the rental premises lacked a washer and dryer. Could she come over to our place to do the laundry?

My wife and my son were naturally suspicious of the declarative statement by my heir apparent doppelganger. A quick perusal of the rental listing corroborated their  belief that something, apart from the smell of the sheet, was foul.

Several minutes later, we were at their house, entered the basement and stared directly at a fine looking washer and dryer. Sitting, as the clear centerpiece of this room.

Even I would have been hard pressed to miss these appliances. The protestations came rapidly. "There was an unplugged washer in the room." And it was true. If one merely poked a head in, for an instant, and then decided not to spend an extra nano-second perusing the balance of this space, an argument could be made that this was a mere mistake of omission, not commission.

But, as one who has spent most of a lifetime making excuse for my incompetence, this was, on a scale of 1 to 10, feeble fodder.

So I go to bed this evening knowing there is another unfortunate wife in my family saddled for what will surely seem an eternity with a partner who finds myriad ways to make each day "interesting."

I think I may have to up my game, if I am to keep my well earned crown.