Level 5

I am an alarmist by nature. I can lose sleep over a hangnail. I sat out a full soccer season because of the fear of spreading a skin rash. You can imagine how I am faring with the issue of the swine flu (or whatever R2D2 designation the government has decided to give it to somehow pacify our concerns).

As such, I was not at all pleased to hear Vice President Biden's off the cuff response to a question posed on the Today show about the hypothetical of travel by his family by commercial plane to Mexico. He said the issue was not Mexico, but rather getting in confined spaces like airplanes or subways. Lock the doors and shut the windows.

I have already had the Tamiflu discussion with my wife (sanity unfortunately prevailed).If my lunacy were permitted to run unchecked, I would probably stockpile facemasks. I have the Swine flu hotline on my speed dial.

Pandemic is not a type of comfort food. It is a problem of global proportion. The rational part of my brain tells me that this appears to be a mild strain that has infiltrated our country. But the irrational part controls and it recoils at every sneeze or cough that emanates within earshot. I want to conquer the beast within, but that is an old unsuccessful refrain. I am a prisoner of my own head.

As with the threat of terrorist attacks, we now live in a world defined by levels of imminent concern. When they tell me 5 out of 6 is the present status, they are in reality discussing the level of my anxiety. You can feel safe to call me when we are down to level 3. Until then, beware.