Top 10 Stories of the Week

1. Ivanka Trump fragrances will be on sale in the West Wing as of March 1.
 

2. Every third Tuesday, Melania Trump will give a lecture at Trump Tower entitled "How to marry a billionaire, and regret every minute of it." She will also bring the audience up to date on the progress of her defamation suit.
 

3. President Trump is in negotiations with NBC, CBS, ABC, Fox and Comedy Central to host a show on Sunday nights at 9 PM tentatively entitled "The White House Apprentice". Six random strangers will be pulled off the street and given senior positions in the administration. The winner will replace Sean Spicer as White House press secretary. Mr. Spicer will be assigned to act as Melissa McCarthy's assistant.
 

4. Kellyanne Conway has been offered the role of Cruella De Vil in the new Disney film "101 Pit Bulls."
 

5. Henry Higgins has been approached to take on the job of converting a  pig-male-ion into a human being. Mr. Higgins, now 128 years old, said he was flattered to be given the opportunity, but he was hoping to die peacefully one day soon.

6. Donald Trump junior and Eric Trump will be given a corner of the Oval Office to run the Trump businesses but have promised to close their computers every time their father walks in the room.

7. The grounds of the White House will be converted into a golf course, the Trump D.C. International Links. "Americans play first" is its catchy slogan. Membership fees will be paid to Trump Properties, a not so blind trust.

8. President Trump announced he will debate Alec Baldwin on Saturday Night Live. Mr Trump plans to come dressed up as Mr.Baldwin.

9. Steve Bannon intends to declare war on one Muslim country per week until he runs out of Muslim countries.

10. Mr. Trump has now banned Mexican food in the White House saying he refuses to have this country pay for it.