The Night Before Christmas 2017

Twas the night before Christmas

When suddenly appeared

A creature before me

Not full with white beard

But a strange shade of orange

His face all aglow

But not from the sun

The wind or the snow

A nightmare his presence

Repulsed by his sight

Why come you before me

On this holy night

I come bearing tales

He said with a smile

And like it or not

I'll stay for a while

And so with my children 

Safely tucked in their bed

He reached up and pulled out 

Some thoughts from his head

He told me of high walls

Of the naughty not nice

He told me of laws

He tried to pass thrice

He told me of small birds

The ones he called tweets

He told me of Dreamers

Who I could not meet

He told me of Spicer 

Of Conway and Flynn

He told me that those

Were the ones without sin

He told me how taxing

This turned out to be

He told of big presents

For a few, just not me

My stocking was empty

And so it would stay

For he was not Santa

Was all he would say 

He talked and he talked

But it just made me mad

No love lived within him

And that made me sad

What kind of Christmas

Will this ever be

I  pray to dear God

Get him far, far from me

And then just like that

Up the chimney he rose

His fat ass was gone

I could just see his toes

Stuck for a second

Then he pulled far away

My nightmare was over

At least for the day

And so on the night before Christmas next year

If there is a chance for some true Christmas cheer

I'll stuff up the chimney and turn off the lights

And hope that the orange man's nowhere in sight